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You Can't Polish A Nerd - download


At last! The Nerds have recorded their latest tour show You Can't Polish A Nerd and you can own the results in a digital format.

It's guaranteed to put the “oooh” into zoology, the “fun” into fundamental theorem of calculus and the “recursion” into recursion in the ultimate show for nerds and non-nerds. 

The download comes in two flavours, now both at £3.14 (£π) to celebrate Festival of the Spoken Nerd's 10th anniversary!

    1. The show in regular excellent HD (1080p)
    2. The show in teeny tiny just-under-SD (360p)

It's also available as a DVD and Download Gift Pack. If you love retro storage devices, there's also a floppy disk version, and you can now buy the t-shirt too!

If you prefer to get your downloads from iTunes, Google Play, Amazon Video, Microsoft Store or YouTube Movies, the show is on there too. Just search for the title on your favourite platform. 

You can also buy our other shows Full Frontal Nerdity and Just For Graphs on download, DVD and VHS. Click here to get them all.

What's in the download?

  • 107 minutes of You Can't Polish A Nerd, filmed live at London's Arts Depot theatre.
  • Subtitles in English.
  • "Safer For Schools" soundtrack.
  • Five hours of behind-the-scenes commentaries from Matt, Steve and Helen.
  • Matt's infinitely long DVD Unboxing Video.
  • 16-page booklet full of bonus nerdity and experiments to do at home.
  • DRM free, classified by BBFC as suitable for ages 12 and over.

I don't have a DVD player, but I like physical things. 

Ah, sounds like you're after our Luxury Download Gift Pack - it comes with a specially printed version of the 16-page booklet plus a code to download the show, making it the perfect gift for a nerdy friend or loved one. We've even signed the booklet for you. Get it here.

How do I play the download?

The download is in .mp4 format, which will most likely play just fine on your default video player, such as VLC (our recommended player, available here), MPlayerX, Windows Media Player, or the latest versions of Quicktime and iTunes.

How do I access the subtitles and extra audio tracks?

Some media players are better than others at handling multiple audio tracks and subtitles. 

If you have problems accessing the bonus features on your default player, we recommend downloading free video player VLC for Windows or Mac ( It definitely plays the file in our download and all the bonus features.

About the Spoken Nerds

  • “Science was never such hilarious explosive fun” (Richard Herring)
  • “They make science fun and understandable which is a great combo” (Sandi Toksvig, BBC QI)
  • ‘‘Made me go Hydrogen Argon, Hydrogen Argon, Hydrogen Argon” (Rufus Hound)
  • “These nerds are the real deal” (Ben Goldacre, Bad Science)

What the critics said about the show

  • **** “Fantastic and funny… you don’t need to be a nerd to enjoy this show” (Broadway Baby)
  • “The nerds are back, and they’re bigger and better than ever” (Redbrick Magazine)
  • **** “Sharp wit and quick thinking… a fantastic night of comedy” (The National Student)
  • "Part of rationalism's desperate rearguard action" (Sunday Times)